I've been in a funk...

You may have noticed I haven't posted in awhile.

Besides the fact that my computer is down for the count, I've also been in a bit of a funk, and haven't bothered to use Todd's laptop when it's been available.

I've been putting off this blog post because I'm not sure how to write it.  While I feel it's important to record some of the trials of life, both for posterity and therapy, I don't want to dwell on my problems and wallow in the "mud".  Also, when I look at the bigger picture, my problems are small compared to so many--including a couple very close friends who read my blog and are going through things so much more difficult than I can even imagine.  So, anyway, I'll be brief in my "venting", but will include it for posterity's sake.

It's no secret that I have struggled with depression on and off for the past ten years.  For the most part, I've felt really good for the past three years or so, even with Todd losing his job and our move.  A few weeks ago, however, depression reared it's ugly head and it hit me hard and fast...almost overnight.  There wasn't any one event that triggered it...I think I just finally "broke" after months and months of "holding it together" with all our life changes. I know myself, and knew it was time to see a doctor.  He put me on a medication that I've never heard of, and the side effects haven't been too pleasant, but on Saturday morning I woke up and from the minute I opened my eyes I felt better.  I thought, "I'm gonna clean my house today". And I did. And it was easy.  

I loathe the fact that I sometimes have to take medicine to feel better, and yet when I finally give in I am always amazed at the results, and wonder what took me so long.  As you can see, I'm not afraid to talk about it, because I've learned in the past that a lot of good can come from sharing my experience and possibly helping someone else.  I'm not saying that everyone out there should take medication for depression...please don't take it that way. Sometimes diet and exercise, or meditation, or prayer can solve the problem.  I've experienced that kind, too. Just know that if anyone out there is struggling with similar issues, I'm always willing to talk.  

Other reasons for my "funk" include car repairs, broken down air conditioning, two non-functioning computers, too much month at the end of our money (every. single. month.), a two year old who gets into everything and makes messes faster than I can clean, a husband who is struggling with his job, and eating too much sugar.

And that's all I have to say about that.

In other news:

Justin woke up with a fever yesterday and has been laying on the floor for two days straight.  It breaks my heart to see him so sick, and to hear his little whimpers.  It's times like these that I am so grateful that I am able to be at home and drop everything to love on him while he's sick.

My Dilly Willy got the first Super Citizen award of the year in his class at school.  I am one proud mama.

We found this little guy (dead, thankfully) next to our garbage can one morning.  Since two of our boys are obsessed with bats, it was quite the discovery.

Dillon came home from school on September 11th and drew this picture.  It's crazy to me that this happened several years before he was even born.  I spent the day thinking about how my kids don't even know what life was like before this terrible day.  They've never known a time when our country wasn't at war.

I've become slightly addicted to Words with Friends lately.  On any given day I've got 5-7 games going with Todd, my sister, and sometimes my brother and a few friends. It's been good for my brain, and I love having a small connection with my sister and friends who live across the country.

Speaking of friends, Vanessa sent me a quilt, all the way from Iowa, and included this note. It is such a small thing, but it made my whole week. I still have it hanging on my fridge. Oh, how I miss my friends from both Logan and Loa!  I don't have a close friend here, yet, and I am so thankful for Internet and cell phones that allow me to keep in touch with all of you.  With my computer down, I've been checking email and facebook on my Ipod, but haven't been reading blogs because the screen is so small.

My morning glory vines have taken over the back porch, and even though they're somewhat of a monstrosity right now, I love all the green.  I'll take all the green I can get in the desert. Todd thinks it looks like a giant uterus, and is annoyed that it hangs down onto his precious grass. (We had a hailstorm recently that knocked down most of the vines on the middle pole.)

It is October and we still have tomatoes growing!  I'm not sure when it will freeze, but it's been really fun to have such a long growing season.  My neighbors down the street start their garden in their garage under grow lights in January.  I don't think I'll start that early, but I hope to put in my cold plants in February.

Our pomegranates are almost ready!  I ate one yesterday and it was okay, but not quite ripe enough.

I don't have a picture, but Brayden turned twelve last week. He had his interview with the bishop and is going to be ordained a deacon this Sunday.  I'll post more about him (and his birthday) after this weekend.

We've continued to have visitors, which is one of the best parts of living "on the way" to somewhere. Todd's best friend and his family stayed with us during Conference weekend on their way home from seeing Wicked (so jealous...).  Also my parents stayed with us twice on their way to and from visiting my brother and his family. This weekend, all of Todd's "Utah family" will be here for Fall break, and his mom is going to stay through the winter in a local RV park.  We are excited to have Grandma so close and spend more time with her for the next six months!

I guess I'd better quit procrastinating and get ready for company.  I've got sheets to wash, food to cook, and a trailer to clean out.  I'm so thankful to be feeling better and have the energy to do it.  Hopefully Justin will stay content watching Curious George...