Our Conference Weekend

It will likely take me a few days to post my semi-annual "Conference Favorites" post since our conference weekend didn't go exactly as planned.

It started out great.  Friday afternoon we had 84 degree weather and I remembered the slip'n'slide that I discovered while we were packing up to move.  Justin was a big fan.  I love this picture of his soaking wet shorts hanging down to his ankles.

After dinner that night, we discovered America's Funniest Home video's on Netflix instant stream and sat around as a family giggling the night away.

I was a little behind on my preparations for conference (packets not printed, and kitchen not completely clean) but I had meals and activities planned and was looking forward to taking notes like I did in October.

Saturday morning came along earlier than I expected :o) and at 9:45 I was printing conference packets for the kids.  I had planned to have them help me tidy up the kitchen/living room before conference began, but Todd got to them first and had them move all the food out of the storage room so he could fix the shelves between sessions.  I wish I had a "before" picture.  The shelves were so warped they were almost unusable.  I don't know exactly what Todd did, but they look 100% better.

When I went downstairs this morning to see my new shelves, I noticed that the rest of the food didn't quite make it back into the storage room...

Our friends Don and Becky were in town, and agreed to stop by between the Saturday sessions to look at my quilting room floor and tell us what we needed to do (Don is a contractor, and Becky is a longarm quilter).

Since they were coming, I spent the Saturday morning session listening to conference while I cleaned up my kitchen and living room, and mopped the floor.  Actually I kind of enjoyed it because the kids were downstairs "working on their conference packets" and Justin was taking his morning nap.  It felt good to make my kitchen floor sparkle, but I didn't take notes and by the end of the session I couldn't even remember the topic of one of the speakers!

Don and Becky got here between sessions and looked at my quilting studio, told us what we needed to do, and Don offered to help us that evening after his class.  He said it was a two hour job.  Of course we jumped at the offer!  I guarantee if Todd and I had tackled this ourselves, it would have been an entire day project, cost more than it needed to, and there may or may not have been swearing involved.  We ran out of cement mix and Home Depot was closed, so it's not finished, but at least we know what to do.  Don was right...it took them about an hour and a half to "feather" the cement and even out the 1" gap on the floor.  I am SO grateful for good friends!

Unfortunately, Todd had to miss the priesthood session of conference to get the room ready and buy the supplies needed in order to work on the room that night with Don.  I'm so glad the church makes it easy to access conference so he can still watch or listen to the session this week.

Sunday morning, our plans continued to get "derailed" when I woke up with a stomach bug.  I had told Caleb that we would celebrate his birthday on Sunday, because Todd is teaching a class on Monday night, and on Tuesday (his actual birthday) the kids have a choir concert.  Because I was sick, he didn't get the "bakery party" he had requested, but Todd fixed one of Caleb's favorite dinners (Navajo taco's) and made him a birthday cake.  He opened his presents straight out of the amazon boxes.

I listened to the Sunday sessions on the couch, between frequent trips to the bathroom.  Last night, before the kids went to bed, I asked them to bring me their conference packets so I could read what they wrote.  It turns out that they weren't exactly working on their packets while they were downstairs by themselves :o).  I didn't get much, but I loved Caleb's picture of Sister Beck.  I think we're going to review conference talks one at a time, for FHE over the next few months, and I'm going to have them fill out their packets one talk at a time.

I thought I was going to feel better today, but at 4 AM I was up tossing my cookies.  My wonderful husband, who was supposed to be at work at 7:00, re-arranged his schedule so that he could get the boys ready for school and drop them off.  (We are down to one vehicle until we get our tax return and fix Todd's truck, so I would've had to walk the kids to school because they have to cross a busy street without a crossing guard).

This is what I saw when I walked into the kitchen this morning...

Since I'm still not feeling well, I think I'll ignore the kitchen, put Justin down for a nap, and re-watch conference.  This time I'll take notes.

General Conference Favorites

I vowed in April to take notes during the next General Conference and I'm SO glad I did!  If I hadn't, I don't think I'd even be able to answer these questions.  My brain functioning seems to be at an all-time low lately!

This is the packet I used for my kids.
I also added a few pages from other sites. 

I printed out these pages for my  own note taking.

Favorite talk(s):  Pres. Packer's talk about listening to the spirit, Elder Hales's talk about tribulations, and Pres. Monson's talk about the morals of society, prayer, and personal revelation.

Talk that spoke to me the most: Ian S. Ardern of the Seventy talked about the value of time.  I needed this message and plan to be better at prioritzing, rather than procrastinating. "Time cannot be bought...it's value is immeasurable".


Favorite Hymn: The choir opened the Saturday morning session by singing "With Songs of Praise".  It is a lesser known hymn, but one of my favorites ever since I first heard it in ward choir practice several years ago.  I also loved "Praise to the Man".  Thanks to an amazing primary chorister, my kids know this song well (especially Dillon), and I had to hold back tears when they sang along at the top of their lungs.  Thanks, Cowboy Mom!

Best tie: I couldn't believe how many black and gray/silver ties there were!  I honestly started to wonder if they planned it!  I liked the choir's orange ties on Saturday morning because they were so fall-ish.

Theme I noticed:  The things that stuck out to me were prayer and scriptures, service, and being in the world but not of the world.


Favorite quotes:  "Youth are being raised in enemy territory" -Boyd K. Packer
"All the money in the world can't buy a loaf of bread in heaven" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps.  It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."  -Neal L. Anderson, quoting the blog of someone not of our faith
"The Lord expects our thinking. He expects our action.  He expects our labors.  He expects our testimonies.  He expects our devotion."  -Jose L. Alonso
"It's better to look up" -Carl B. Cook quoting Pres. Monson
"Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now." -Robert D. Hales
"To be in the world, but not of the world, it is necessary to pray." -Pres. Thomas S. Monson
"Prayer only works when we use it as directed."  -J. Devn Cornish
"The effect of the Book of Mormon...on your character is certain." -Pres. Henry B. Eyring

Something that made me smile:  Pres. Monson's story about losing his $5 bill as a child, and Pres. Eyring referencing what happened to Abinadi (Brayden got a kick out of that one!).

Evidence that my children paid attention: 


My kids kept asking me questions and talking until I got very frustrated because I wanted so badly to hear.  I started to get upset with them, when the spirit gave me a swift kick in the bum and let me know that it was more important for them to be in the room and asking questions, than it was for me to hear.  I can always go back and watch the talks online later.  I have thought about it several times since.

Great idea(s):  Pres. Bednar's suggestion to get the youth involved in Family History Work!  They can put their "texting and tweeting" skills to good use (we adults can do the same!).  I loved his promise of protection from the adversary if we involve ourselves in Family History.

Posting Conference packets online so that we can all benefit from those who prepare in advance!  The senior primary packet (click here to be taken to the site) is one of the best I've seen.  I had my older boys take notes during the apostle's talks, and they were allowed to play Bingo and other activities during the other talks.  It was the perfect way to break it up for them. 

Two temples in Provo!!!

Post-conference goals: 


1. Significantly improve my scripture study 
2. Identify time wasting distractions and balance family, work, etc.  
3. Wait on Him, and press forward in faith.


What were some of your favorites?

General Conference Favorites

I'm way behind on posting my semi-annual "Conference Favorites".  I thoroughly enjoyed general conference this year, but when it was over I had a hard time remembering who said what.  I've reviewed some of the talks, but it will take awhile to go back through all of them.


I am vowing here and now to TAKE NOTES next time!


Favorite talk:  The ones that stick out to me were by  Elder Christofferson, Elder Bednar, and Elder Holland.


Favorite Quote:  Apparently, the gospel is “to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the [comfortable].”  -Elder Holland quoting Harold B. Lee


Favorite tie:  It seemed like there were A LOT of red ties...I liked L. Tom Perry's red/white polka dot tie :o)


Favorite Hymn: Have I Done Any Good?

Theme(s) I noticed:  Service, and Faith

Best Idea:  Elder Quentin L. Cook's talk had my mind spinning a million miles an hour with idea's for RS activities. I probably won't get to use them since I will likely be moving, and our activity topics are now planned through August thanks to the new unemployment rate in our community (22%).

April looked like this...

We haven't had a dull moment in April. It started with sickness, ended with sickness, and we had company every weekend in between.

Top to bottom; left to right:

-Justin was sick during the first week of April.  I finally took him to the pediatrician after 4 days of fever, just to be told it was a virus.  He started to perk up on the drive home.  Todd got the same "bug" which caused a sinus infection.

-Caleb turned twelve!  We went to the Aquatic Center with cousins to celebrate.  He is busy with student council, orchestra (violin), 4-H (computer coding), and Scouts.

-Michael and Becky came to visit for Conference Weekend (Todd's brother and fam).  The boys loved playing with their girl cousins, especially 7 mos old Caitlyn.

-Caleb took good notes during Conference with his new Kindle, and when we played Conference Jeapardy a week later, he nearly beat me!

-While Pres. Monson was talking about treating our family with kindness, we had some serious brotherly love goin' on.

-Dillon participated in his school track meet, and Justin and I watched all his events without getting sunburned.

-Grandpa came to visit and got our yard whipped into shape.  I wish I had a recording of the moment we drove up to the nursery...he giggled.

-Grandpa made us an herb garden out of a kiwi crate from the grocery store.  He also planted corn, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, peas, beets, lettuce, beans, peppers, carrots, onions, zucchini, an apple tree, a pomegranate tree, a canna lily, a wheelbarrow full of succulents, a trumpet vine, and four pots of flowers. While he did all that, I made breakfast.

-Caleb was ordained a deacon, and passed the sacrament for the first time.

-Four generations.  Grandma Great came down with Grandpa and we loved having her here (my mom was  helping my sister who just had baby #4).  Grandma's only brother lives around the corner from us, so she got to see him as well.

-Todd and I saw Vince Gill and Amy Grant at Tuacahn, and loved it.  I'm pretty sure we were the youngest couple there, but we didn't care.

-Todd spoke at a Relief Society meeting for another ward, and thanks to my mother-in-law watching the kids, I got to attend.  I loved catching a glimpse of what he does for a living.  So much of his job is confidential that I never really get to see him in action.  This was as close as it gets, and I loved every minute.

-My sis-in-law, Carrie, and her two boys stayed with us on their way to Cache Valley.  Gabriel and Justin are the same age and had a great time playing together.  This fuzzy pic is the best I could get of two active three-year olds.

-We dyed easter eggs out on the patio, just as the sun set.  I like to do the "fluffy" stuff on Saturday, but we were so busy working in the yard that we ended up doing our easter egg hunt on Sunday. It was warm enough that the chocolate in our plastic eggs melted.  Next year we'll have to do a glow-in-the dark hunt on Saturday night.

-The kids came home from church and changed before I got a family picture, but Todd was kind enough to oblige.

-For Easter break we decided to stay local.  We toured the Jacob Hamblin home, and the Brigham Young summer home.  We planned to tour the tabernacle, but Justin had had enough.  We ate "linner" at the Black Bear Diner, and Caleb ordered the biggest "bowl" of Chili we'd ever seen.

-This is a salad I made for Todd to take to work one day. He still has to be pretty careful about what he eats ever since we started our anti-inflammatory diet, but it's getting easier.

-I got a lamp post at DI for $15, and Todd had to run electricity from my quilting studio, under a sidewalk, under rocks, and through a cinderblock wall to light it.  He put it on a timer so it turns itself on and off at night.  I love it!  The only time we play outside in the summer is after dark, so I'm excited to have light next to our sand box.

-This picture is of Justin with a breadstick from the Pizza Factory.  Todd and I had a lunch date there, and he was our third wheel.

-We are deep in the throes of potty-training.  I continued my tradition of waiting way too long in the hopes that it will go faster.  So far, it hasn't been too bad. Every time Justin uses the "potty", he gets to put a fish sticker on his ocean chart.  He has given each fish a name...one for each family member, grandmas and grandpa, and now he's adding cousins.

Not Pictured:

-Our friends Cami and Travis stopped by on their way to CA, and we loved seeing them again. They left me with a quilt for their baby (due in July), and I quilted it during the week so they could pick it up on their way back through.

-Grandma left to go back to Washington after spending six months here in an RV park.  I still can't figure out where the time went. We have had a crazy few months!

-My Uncle Wayne and Aunt Anita were kind enough to pull our trailer back from Cache Valley (it's been there since last Summer because Todd's brother was living in it). They rounded out our 4th week of visitors.

-Todd took the older two boys on a scout camp out where it rained and was windy all night long.  I stayed home with the younger two boys, and ended up with a fever from my sinus infection. Brayden came home coughing after a night in a wet sleepping bag, and since then, everyone else has gotten sick.  Dillon has a croupy cough, Brayden has missed two days of school, and now Todd (who had just recovered from his sinus infection) has a fever.

Family Home Evening idea

If you need an easy activity for tonight, here it is:

My kids don't know the names/faces of the apostles.  With conference coming up, I decided now would be a good time to teach them.  We're using these free Conference Bingo printables that I saw on pinterest.

Since my kids are older, I'm going to put the names with the faces on the card that gets drawn out, so they can see the name and the face together. They will still have to search by the face on their bingo card.

Hopefully this will help them to learn the names of the apostles.  I think it will help them listen during conference if they feel some kind of connection to the speaker. Maybe in the coming weeks (after we've learned the names) we will start to learn facts about them.

Happy Monday!

Weighty matters

Once upon a time I was a tiny little newlywed.  At 5' 2" and 112 lbs, I'd never had to worry about my weight for a day in my life.  At college, people talked about the "freshman 15", but when I went away to school, I actually lost weight from all that extra walking around campus!  I ate what I wanted, although I was raised eating vegetables at every dinner and dessert only on Sundays, so I didn't really over-do it.  Eating healthy has never been a challenge. I grew up on white bread, but I always preferred wheat.  I rarely finished my Christmas and Easter candy because it just didn't tempt me.
I was not a very active teenager.  I liked drawing and creating...not dance or sports, but I moved sprinkler pipe on the farm and suffered my way through PE classes in school. I guess I just had a good metabolism.

When I got married at age 20, I fit into my sister's bridesmaid dress (she was 14 at the time).  I remember as a newlywed that if I sucked in, Todd was able to put his hands around my waist and his fingers could touch.

August 1998

 After I had my first baby, I lost all but 5 lbs and was back in my jeans within 8 weeks. I remember my Dr. telling me that I should gain 35-40 lbs with that pregnancy, and then looking at me and saying, "You might make it." When I did, he called me an "over-achiever".

After my second, I struggled for over a year with post-partum depression. I lost all but 10-15 lbs this time, but I was fine with it. I am blessed with a husband who loves me for who I am.  My weight doesn't matter to him, and I think because of that, it didn't really matter to me.  My weight didn't change who I was, and I had better things to worry about--like my mental health.

April 2003

Between 2003 and 2005, I started taking an anti-depressant and went on and off birth control pills.  Both are known to cause weight gain, so when it happened, I accepted it and moved on.  When I was twenty weeks pregnant with my third, I had my appendix out.  Because I was pregnant, they couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, and I had a pretty big cut across my belly.  Since my belly was growing while I tried to heal, I had to take it easy. I also had gallbladder trouble at the end of my pregnancy and I did A LOT of resting.  I don't think my scars completely healed until after I had the baby.

I think it was somewhere in this time that my thyroid levels started to plummet, although it took me four more years to figure it out.  After I had Dillon, I didn't lose a pound. In fact, by the time he was a few weeks old, I had gained another ten.  This was a stressful time for our family.  Todd was finishing up his thesis and getting ready to graduate, but USU denied us any more student loans, so we were basically living on credit cards to pay our bills.  Todd worked three different jobs, and I was quilting, but we just weren't making it.  We qualified for housing and food assistance, and that kept us going.

I don't want to get onto my soapbox here about food stamps, but I will tell you that the amount we were given was obscene. We could afford to eat ANYTHING we wanted but couldn't pay our bills.  If we didn't use up our food money, it rolled over to the next month. (If the government wants to know where to cut funds, I can sure tell them.)  Our food allowance was double what I spend now to feed our family of growing boys.  At the time, it was nice, because even though we couldn't afford to eat out, or go to a movie, we could splurge on food.  I remember eating Ben & Jerry's for every date night, and eventually I think I learned to cope with my financial stress by splurging on food.

I think it was a combination of the stress and subsequent hormone imbalance, and the newly formed "food addiction" (that I didn't even recognize) that got me to where I am now.

November 2005

Life continued to "happen", and within a year after Todd's graduation we were living in a new place, far from any family. We were only there for 3 months when we lost Todd's dad to cancer.  Todd struggled with depression for awhile after losing his dad, and I can tell you from experience that even though having depression is hard, having a spouse with depression is harder.  I gained a new appreciation for Todd after realizing what I had put him through. A few months later, we suffered our third miscarriage, and my hormone imbalance became worse.  I had fuzzy thinking, attention and memory problems, and not enough money to keep searching for a medical answer when my labs kept coming in "on the low side of normal".

October 2008

 In 2009, I started taking thyroid medicine that helped a lot with my "issues", although it didn't solve them completely. After another miscarriage and then my fourth pregnancy, I was finally feeling like myself again.  I went off anti-depressants completely and felt more balanced than I had in YEARS.  Even though I didn't like the way I looked, I never did any more than "wish" the pounds away, because my weight didn't change who I was.  I just accepted it.  I thoroughly enjoyed having that baby after so many years and I was not about to waste one minute of our precious time together.  Actually, by the time he was blessed (six weeks after giving birth) I had lost all my pregnancy weight and was even DOWN an extra 10 lbs.  Because of my gallbladder issues, I had been very careful about my eating while I was pregnant, and that made a huge difference.

At that time, I had every intention of losing more weight.  I had my gallbladder out, and I was feeling good.  Todd was content with his job, and we were slowly but surely plugging along...comfortably.

And then, as you know, Todd lost his job.  He moved into a travel trailer three hours away and came home on weekends, while I played "single mom" and tried to sell our house.  My "good intentions" of losing more weight were lost in the stress of that time. I watched my friends slowly move away and start their "new lives" while I waited for answers.  I mindlessly endulged in treats and my beloved Dr. Pepper almost daily, thinking that I deserved it, and it was somehow "helping me get through". When we finally sold our house and moved, I was almost back up to my delivery weight.

Moving brought a new start. I was thrilled to get settled, live in a warm climate, and to have my family all under one roof.  As soon as I got the bulk of the boxes unpacked, I joined Curves and started exercising. In a matter of three months, I had GAINED six pounds, and it wasn't muscle.

This is when I first started to feel "out of control".  I was so sure that as soon as I started exercising the pounds would melt away.  And they didn't.  For the first time in my life I truly understood that if I wanted to lose weight, I was going to have to change the way I was eating.  I still liked healthy foods, as always, but my portions were huge. For the past several years I had become accustomed to eating for comfort, and I liked the feeling of being stuffed.

Even though I didn't like the way I looked (and had been avoiding cameras for several years), I found myself so addicted to the comfort I found in food that I didn't even WANT to change my eating habits.  When I was faced with a decision of what to eat, I ate whatever I wanted with the intention of eating better "tomorrow".

The problem is, "tomorrow" never came.  There's always another tomorrow.

When I started struggling with depression again last fall, I knew I needed to make some changes.  I was running on "empty" and desperately needed to do something for myself.  I considered taking a class, but I was already stressed to the max and needed to simplify--not add one more thing to my plate.  For weeks I pondered what to do.  I finally came to the conclusion that the very best thing I could do for myself, for my health, my sanity, and my hormones, was to lose weight.  The only problem was that I didn't want to do what it would take.

That is when I started to pray.  I prayed for help to WANT to lose weight.  I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it, but only if I wanted it.  For two months, and through two fast Sundays I prayed for the desire to lose weight.  How I looked was not enough motivation for me.

Slowly, my prayers started to work.  I started noticing that at social functions I was the biggest girl in the room (when I used to be one of the smallest).  How did I let myself get to that place? I recalled something that Todd learned when he went to a conference last summer. It was on addiction, and the changes it makes in your brain.  The focus at this conference was mainly pornography addiction, but it also covered drugs, gambling, over-eating, and more.  He learned that in an MRI, the brain of a person who over-eats looks the same as a the brain of a person who has a pornography addiction.  Your brain actually gets "re-wired" and you are less able to make good decisions.

This bothered me.  I could handle the way I looked...as long as I didn't have to see myself in too many pictures, but to know that my over-eating could actually re-wire my brain, and was possibly the cause of so much of my "brain fog" was the start of my desire to do better.  Heavenly Father had blessed me with a body, and I was not taking care of it the way I should.

For the first time in my life, I started to feel the desire to lose weight.  Not the wish (because I've wished the pounds would go away for years), but the true desire to sacrifice something good, for something better.

I tell you all this incredibly long story of my weight gain, not looking for sympathy, but to show how I got to this place.  There were many factors that led to my weight gain, and many of them were valid reasons. My mistake was in assuming there was nothing I could do about it, and being content with that.

The family picture below will serve as my "before" picture.  My sis-in-law took it over Christmas break and my weight was at an all time high (two pounds more than the day I delivered Justin). I wish I had thought to have her take a picture of me by myself, but this will have to do.

January 2013

 When Todd's brother and his family came for New Years, we concocted a hair-brained plan to start a private group on facebook with the rest of his family to support each other in our efforts to lose weight.  We called it "Lean in '13", and as we discussed when we should start, my sis-in-law said, "Today. We should start today."

Truthfully, I don't know if I would have started "today" on my own.  I will forever be grateful for Becky's suggestion that we start that very day.  We went to Iggy's for lunch, and while we were there, I pulled out my new iPhone, brought up the MyFitnessPal app, and started recording my calories.

Six weeks later, I am down ten pounds.  A whole sack of potatoes...gone.

And I have no intention of stopping.

May also looked like this...(part 2)

Left to Right; Top to bottom:

-Todd flew to Denver for a training. He was able to fly out from our local airport, so Justin and I got to watch him walk onto the plane, and then we watched it take off. Thankfully he came home the day before several tornadoes touched down in Denver!

-While Todd was gone, I got to take the kids to Stake Conference by myself.  I took this picture as we were walking home.

-Tired boys!  

- I have been quilting full-time this month. I had ten quilts to finish in just over three weeks.  I leave the "tweens" in charge of Justin, and one time when I came in the house I found him wearing underwear, and a box.  The next day, I found him wearing his shirt inside out and backwards.  The look on his face is a good reminder that little kids need their mama!  After this week I can relax...

- Todd's secretary gave us a gift card to a local specialty doughnut shop, and we finally used it to celebrate the last day of school.  We had S'mores, Creamsicle, Blueberry, French Toast, and Lemonade doughnuts, among others.

- Caleb attended Computer Camp the week after school got out.  It was a special class for 7th graders only.  While there, he made a "scratch art" game for Justin, and then came home and made a few more computer games that Justin can play.  

-The last picture is to prove to my Mom that I really do cut their hair every quarter or so, whether it needs it or not.  

Here's a sneak peak of some of the quilting I've been doing.  The quilts will be published, so I can't show much.  Justin loves the fact that Spiderman keeps sending me quilts.

We are slowly getting our basement finished.  We had a flood around Thanksgiving time.  We decided to do the work ourselves so we could save some money and finally replace our false ceilings.  Had we known that after the holidays we'd have two miscarriages back to back, and then company for 5 weekends in a row, we probably would have just paid someone to do it.  It's taking forever!  Todd finished the texturing in Caleb's room yesterday, and we'll paint tomorrow (after I quilt).  Then we'll move on to the hallway, bathroom, and Dillon's room. 

Oh, and speaking of Todd, he is going to be an adjunct professor this fall, teaching two Family Relations classes.  It will give him a bit of a break from doing therapy all day every day, but still allow him to work in his private practice.

Other things that happened, that I don't have pictures for:

-I was released from being a Webelos leader.  I still teach RS once a month, and I'm still on the funeral committee.

-We sold our travel trailer.  It tugged at our heartstrings, but after sitting in Cache Valley last winter (without being winterized) it needed a new floor (linoleum cracked), and possibly had some plumbing problems.  We knew we wouldn't have time or money to use it this year, so when a man showed up at our door offering to pay cash and take it "as is", we made the quick decision to sell. 

-Caleb won an award at school for being a "hero" and holding the door open for his orchestra class every day.  He got a certificate and a t-shirt, but I failed to get a picture.

-

Random happenings

Today is crazy hair day at school.  I had to run to the grocery store at 7:30 AM to get orange hairspray so Caleb could be a jack-o-lantern like Dillon (who had to be bribed to wear his jack-o-lantern hair).  Brayden was much too cool for crazy hair.

Caleb wore a spider in his orange hair

Last week I sent Brayden and Caleb to the store (alone) for the first time ever (we live a block and a half away).  Their assignment was to get a chocolate bar so we could make chocolate curls for the pie Brayden made.

They were gone for quite awhile and I was starting to get nervous when I finally saw them walking home.  It turns out that after their purchase, Brayden realized that the cashier had given them 6 cents too much change...so they turned around and went back to return the money. I was one proud mama!

Too cold for a popsicle?  No way.
Dillon just ate his otter-pop with gloves.
(I should have given him a bib)

I had a gallbladder attack last week, and I don't have a gallbladder.

When I took the kids to the clinic the next day for their flu shots, I asked the Dr. about it.  He said that sometimes there is a stone in the common bile duct between the gallbladder and liver.  He looked up my surgery info on the computer and said that the surgeon had tried to check the common bile duct, but the opening was too small and he couldn't get the instrument inside.

Lovely.

 If I continue to have problems, I'll have to have some kind of a scope done that will irritate my pancreas.  This is the first time anything like this has happened since my surgery, so I'm hoping it's just a weird fluke.

The sale of our house is final.  We made a whopping $3.28 on the deal, and I feel pretty darn lucky just to get out of it.  I told Todd we'd have to be sure to put the money in savings to go towards our next house, or we'll get heavily taxed on it  :o)

My friend suggested we go to the local restaurant and celebrate with baby ice cream cones.

I love a baby in new dinosaur jammies...

Justin is walking/running everywhere these days.  He took his first courageous walk across the living room on Conference Sunday, about 10 minutes before Todd left to go back to the trailer.  I can't even tell you how glad Todd was that he was here to see it.

Now, a couple weeks later, he's getting more brave and starting to climb to get wherever he "needs" to go.  He has four teeth and one more on the way and loves to eat off the floor. He'll throw his food down from his high chair and eat it off the floor as soon as we let him out.  Hopefully he's building immunity...


In other news, we found the perfect house and got all excited about it just in time for it to go into foreclosure and be sold on auction last Thursday.  Unfortunately, we can't compete with people who have cash to buy a house.

We made an offer on another one this weekend.  I don't care for the look of the outside (it was built in the 80's) but the inside meets our needs perfectly.  We will spend the next few days haggling over the price and I'll be sure to post pictures if it works out.

Good Weekend

It's been a good weekend at our house.

On Friday, Todd and I got a babysitter and went to see Brian Regan.  

I think it's only the 5th or 6th time we've gotten a babysitter (other than family)

and the first time it's ever been for something other than a Stake Conference meeting or work party.

We'll definitely do it again.

Here we are, waiting for the show to start.  It's a terrible picture, but we don't have very many pictures of the two of us, and I love that we were having fun.

By the end of the night my eyes hurt from wiping the tears because I was laughing so hard.

On Saturday, we worked.

And we worked.

We ordered pizza for dinner 'cause we were still workin'.

It turns out if you order pizza from Hungry Howies and then NOT order for a few months you'll get a postcard from them in the mail, offering you a free pizza if you buy Howie Bread for $3.49.  Um, yes.

Since we needed more than one medium pizza for all our hungry boys, I also stopped by the other pizza place near our house, and used my buy 1 get 1 free Valpak coupon.  This may not seem like a big deal to most of you, but I've lived in a place for six years where this was not an option. It's a big deal. 

 Okay, enough about pizza.  What were we working on all day?

My quilting studio!!!  

We primed, painted one wall, glued down carpet, and set up my machine yesterday so I could quilt tomorrow.

(I have a quilt that needs to get back to a friend for her son's wedding this Friday).

I wish I had a before picture, but I don't.  So here is a picture from "during".  This room in our garage used to have a wall where you can see the foundation on the floor, and the 2x4 on the back wall.  Todd knocked it out, and built a new wall (not shown) so the room now extends the entire width of our garage.  The old and new parts of the room were two different levels, so we had to learn cement work to level out the floor the best we could...or at least make it so I wouldn't trip while quilting!  

 After I finish the quilt tomorrow, I'll spend the rest of the week painting.  I still have three more walls, baseboards (not installed yet) and lots of cabinets/shelves that need to be painted.  

After a day of hard work, the men in my life treated me to a wonderful Mother's Day.  Here's a picture of my "haul".  The boys remembered my "love" of stingrays, and presented me with a hand-painted stingray picture frame, and a hand-painted stingray lawn ornament.  :o)  And how cute are those flowers?  I hope Dillon used acid-free construction paper 'cause I'll be keeping them for a long time.

 Dillon and Caleb both filled out surveys about me.  Dillon thinks I weigh 25 lbs.  Caleb thinks I weigh 120 lbs.  Both are good answers, boys.

In case you can't read it, Dillon's answers are:

When I am at school, she is at home working on the quilting.
She likes a clean house.
She doesn't like a dirty house.

Caleb's survey read:

My mom's favorite color: lime green
My mom's favorite food: salad
My mom always says: "Clean your room"
My mom cooks the best: Tuna Casserole
My mom's job is: quilting
My mom laughs when: Justin does
If my mom had time, she would love to: bake together.  (This one hurts my heart.  I've got to give Caleb more time in the kitchen.  He's still waiting to bake the box mixes I gave him for his birthday two years ago, and still waiting to play the bakery game that we were supposed to play for his birthday in April.  Guess what we're doing for FHE tomorrow?)
My mom and I like to: admire the color green (??)
My mom really loves: shopping

My boys have pampered me today.  I got up and got ready for church without a single interruption, while Todd made French Toast.  After church they made dinner, and let me take a LONG nap...again, without interruption, except for the time that Todd came in to tell me we didn't have a single Devil's Food cake mix in the whole house. How did that happen? Tonight they made molten lava cake for dessert.

This is what my boys were doing while I got ready for church:

It's been a good weekend.  I wish it didn't have to end.

Madelyn Joy

Madelyn Joy was born on Friday, May 22 at 7:14 AM.  She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 19" long. Her middle name, Joy, came from President Eyring's talk during the General Women's meeting of Conference when he said, "Joy always comes after sorrow."  It was just so fitting after our two miscarriages last year.  Also, Joy means happiness, and so does Felicia, and I love that our names have the same meaning.

I have learned by experience how to be happy.   It is by finding out Heavenly Father's will, and striving to do what He wants...not necessarily what I want.  I hope I can teach that to all my kids, but especially to Madelyn. Men are that they might have joy, and according to 2nd Nephi 2:25,  joy is "the potential to become like Heavenly Father".  It is only by making our will in line with His that we can truly find happiness.

Overall my pregnancy has gone well, aside from the usual morning sickness and aches and pains.  I didn't have low blood platelets or thyroid problems like I did when I was pregnant with Justin, and things went relatively smoothly until about a week before she was born. After a long night and day of contractions, I ended up having diarrhea and horrible stomach pains that lasted for over 24 hours and left me dehydrated.  I ended up having to go to labor and delivery for an IV, which immediately stopped the stomach pains.

The following Sunday, I woke up at 5:00 AM having regular contractions.  They were every 3 minutes or so for 6 hours, but they didn't hurt enough to go into Labor and Delivery.  I really thought I was in early labor, but by afternoon they stopped.  A few days later, I gained 8 lbs overnight and had pitted edema and my blood pressure was quite a bit higher than normal for me.  It stayed in the normal range, thankfully, but I had to have it monitored pretty closely for a few days. On Monday morning, after all those contractions the day before, I stopped in at the clinic to have my blood pressure checked.  I had Justin with me, and I left milk and groceries in the car, thinking it would be a quick stop.  After two hours, a non-stress test, and an exam by the on-call doctor, we suspected she was breech.  The next day, I saw my doctor and he did an ultrasound that confirmed she was indeed breech.

My doctor was recently called as a mission president.  One of the things that I have appreciated, is that he is a good man who is sensitive to the spirit.  Before my appointment on Tuesday, I prayed that he would be inspired to know what was best for my situation, and that I would feel peace in that answer.  I cried when we scheduled the c-section, but as we left the room, he turned to me and said, "I really feel that this is best for you and the baby."  His turning and saying that was the answer to my own prayer that I needed, and I made peace with the idea of a c-section, even though it's not what I wanted or ever expected.

Things fell into place and my parents were able to come and be here for a day before my surgery.  Todd and my Dad gave me a blessing, and I knew things were going to be okay.

Todd and I barely slept the night before the surgery.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM, but I think Todd got up and showered at 2:00 AM because he couldn't sleep.  I had to sleep in the recliner because my reflux had been so bad that I was aspirating it and then coughing for days.  I certainly didn't want to be coughing after a c-section!

We arrived at the hospital and immediately started the "hurry up and wait" process of being prepped for surgery.  It took two tries to get my IV in, and the anesthesiologist came to talk to me about my spinal, and different drug options.  I told him I didn't want any narcotics, because they make me sick. He told me he would use one drop of morphine in the spinal, but that it wouldn't be digested like percocet or lortab, so I agreed to it.  He also mentioned another drug that he said he'd only used a couple times, and if he had to use it I wouldn't remember who I was or what I was doing.  I didn't worry too much, because it sounded rare.

I was wheeled into the operating room, and was surprised because it didn't look anything like the operating rooms I remember from my appendectomy and gall bladder surgery.  It reminded me of a storage room. There were buckets along the wall, and "stuff" sitting around on shelves and tables. They required that Todd stay outside while I got the spinal, so I held on to a nurse who wore too much make-up and perfume during that part of the procedure, and then they brought Todd in as they set up the curtain and inserted a catheter.  They checked to make sure I was numb, and got started.  It all happened really quickly.

I was told that I would feel lots of pressure, but it didn't prepare me for the amount of pressure.  Good gravy...there was A LOT of pressure.  They tried to turn Madelyn from her breech position, but it wasn't happening, so they took her feet first.  I remember hearing her first cry and breaking down in tears. I'm so glad I have that memory.  The anesthesiologist congratulated us, and I'm pretty sure by the sound of his voice that he was crying too.  It must be a cool thing to witness such a sacred event as a baby being born as often as they do.  I remember them telling me her hair was dark, and then they started the process of putting me back together.  At that point I started noticing pain.

The best way I can describe it, is that I felt like an open toy box and they were rummaging through to find the right lego piece...and it wasn't gentle. The pain was more at the top of my belly, near my ribs, but combined with the intense pressure it was quickly becoming too much.  I was gritting my teeth and breathing like I was in labor to try to manage the pain.  The anesthesiologist asked if I wanted Valium, and I was in too much pain to ask what the side effects were so I agreed to it.  The only thing I remember after that is yellow light and people talking, but nothing made any sense.  I found out later that after I had the Valium, I started trying to "help" the doctors stitch me up.  I kept trying to reach around the curtain, and the doctor told me afterward that I grabbed his butt.  At that point, they had to sedate me using that rare drug I had been warned about.

The next thing I remember was trying to wake up in the recovery room.  Madelyn was crying, and the nurse was telling me in a stern voice that the baby was hungry and I needed to wake up to feed her.  Todd was helping me hold her as I attempted to breastfeed, but I faded in and out. I wanted so much to hold and love on my baby, but I just couldn't wake up enough.  My dad stopped by to see the baby (he was on his way back home to Cache Valley), and I vaguely remember him walking into the room, and I realized that I had a wet towel on my head.  Apparently they were having trouble regulating my temperature.  I remember telling the nurse I was nauseated (right before throwing up), and the next thing I knew I was in my room, but I don't remember being moved there.

I remember Todd asking me several times if I was okay, and mentioning that I'd barely looked at the baby.  It wasn't that I didn't want to...I just wasn't "all there" yet.  I spent the day extremely dizzy and throwing up.  I could tell the nurses were a little concerned and that it wasn't a common reaction.  Finally one of the nurses told me that she thought it was from the morphine, and that it would wear off by about 7:00 that night.  Sure enough, between 7:00-8:00 that night the dizziness started to go away, and I was feeling more like myself.  Todd's mom came to visit, followed by my visiting teacher (who is a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital), and then Todd picked up my mom and the boys so they could meet their baby sister.  We had kept her hair color a secret.  Todd sent them a picture of her wearing a hat, so when they came into the room, I took her hat off for the big "reveal".  As you might guess, we had two boys hoping for red hair, and two hoping for dark hair :o). Thankfully, they were so smitten with her "cuteness" that her hair color was the least of their concerns.

It has taken me awhile to write this post because honestly, I've been a little bit traumatized by how it all went down.  It wasn't the birth I had envisioned for so many months.  I was looking forward to two things: rolling over on my tummy after delivery, and the skin-to-skin contact following birth.  I didn't get that with my first three because the hospital I delivered in just didn't do that, so when Justin was born and they immediately put him on my chest I was surprised, but it was my favorite part of his birth.  He was so warm, and I have commented many times as I've told the boys about childbirth how warm he was and how much I loved holding him right away.  When I found out I was having a c-section, they told me I wouldn't be able to do skin-to-skin for about a half an hour.  I knew that by then she wouldn't be as warm and it wouldn't be the same.  I asked if it would be possible for Todd to do skin-to-skin, and they said yes.  I made peace with the idea of a c-section because I was excited that Todd would get to do skin-to-skin and he'd never have had that opportunity otherwise.  I looked forward to watching him hold our baby for the first time...but because I had to be sedated, I missed it.

I am well aware that the most important thing is that my baby arrived safely, and she was healthy, but it's been difficult to process the whole birth experience.  It wasn't beautiful like I imagined.  It was scary, and traumatic. I'm so grateful for my visiting teacher who stopped in to see me in the hospital.  She has experienced a c-section herself, and she understood what I was going through.  She didn't try to point out the fact that I had a healthy baby and should be grateful. She empathized with me, and made me feel okay about mourning the fact that I didn't get the "perfect" birth I'd imagined.  I don't have any pictures of me in labor. I didn't get to listen to the playlist I'd so carefully picked out, or labor in the tub like I wanted.  I didn't get to see Todd hold her for the first time, I spent her first day dizzy and vomiting, and I had to spend the first week of her life in pain every time I rolled over or tried to get out of bed.

I know lots of women who have had c-sections, but I honestly had never given it a second thought until I actually experienced it myself.  It has taken me three weeks to process it all and finally type this out, but I have gotten to the point where I am just grateful that she is here, and healthy.  I keep thinking of this video clip that Todd uses in therapy to describe empathy.  My visiting teacher connected with me on the night of Madelyn's birth, and I'm so grateful for her understanding of what I had been through.  C-sections happen all the time, but they don't happen to me all the time, and because of it, I don't have the fond memories of Madelyn's birth that I had with each of my boys.

I told Todd that I needed to make a book of my pregnancy and the birth, so that I could have a tangible reminder of all my feelings.  I thought it would help me to look back on the whole experience fondly, but as I've worked on the book this week, I've realized that adding colorful backgrounds to my pictures isn't changing the fact that this birth--and the entire pregnancy--was hard.

I think the beautiful part of the story will come as she grows, and as I relish every second of snuggling and enjoying my last baby.  It makes her middle name all that much more fitting.  "Joy always comes after sorrow."

...and the joy has most certainly come.

Oh, how I love this sweet little girl. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father gave me one more chance to snuggle a newborn, and that I get to have a daughter.

October

October looked like this:

In October:

-Brayden turned 13!  I secretly planned for weeks to re-do his room for his bday, and when he left for school in the morning on the day before his bday, my friend Stephanie came over and helped me paint.  I had  everything put together by that evening, and the look on his face when he saw it, and read the comics I put on his bulletin board was priceless. He loved it.

-For his bday activity, Brayden chose to go to the corn maze at Staheli Family Farm.  We had a great time, and Justin got to have his picture taken with his hero, Jack Sparrow.

-Spent a lot more time than expected on a General Conference activity board.  It turned out to be worth it, because our kids listened better than they ever have, and when we played Jeapardy a week later I was amazed at how much they retained.

-Hiked the mountain behind my house with my Webelos

-Quilted a quilt for Vanessa and had it sent back the next day.  15+ hours of quilting...

-For fall break we went to Cache Valley.  We spend time with cousins, and remembered Grandpa on the anniversary of his passing.

-Discovered Dillon has a pretty good aim when he practiced shooting at Day Camp

-Hosted the Joy School Halloween party

-Took two kids trick-or-treating, while the older two went to a party. Sniff...

Beautiful Heartbreaks

A few weeks ago I gave a talk at a Relief Society meeting on dealing with discouragement.  I have thought more than once that I need to put it on my blog, so here it is:

In a recent talk given by Sister Julie B. Beck, she stated:

“In the past year I have met thousands of Latter-day Saint women in many countries. The list of challenges these sisters face is lengthy and sobering. There are family troubles, economic tests, calamities, accidents, and illnesses. There is much distraction and not enough peace and joy. Despite popular media messages to the contrary, no one is rich enough, beautiful enough, or clever enough to avoid a mortal experience.”

Sometimes our trials come because of our own poor choices.  Sometimes it's because of the choices of those around us.  Other times, it's nobody's "fault", it's just a part of our mortal experience. So, how do we deal with the discouragement that comes from having a "mortal experience"?

Several years ago, after the birth of my second child, I experienced post-partum depression.  At the time, Todd was in graduate school and working two jobs. In addition to a new baby, I had an 18 mos. old, I did daycare in my home, and I worked as an artist (from home) for 20 hours a week.  

At first I didn't realize I was depressed.  I had never had two kids before, and I figured that maybe it was supposed to be that hard.  I was extremely sleep deprived, and took out my frustrations on those closest to me. After about a year of trying to run faster than I had strength, I found myself crying daily, and I began to have panic attacks.  I knew something needed to change, but I didn’t know what to do to help myself.

One night, while reading my scriptures, I came across a scripture in Ether that answered my question.  

24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.

25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare
you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? 

These scriptures helped me to realize that I needed to work out my own "salvation" before the Lord.  The solution came in many different ways: medical help, prayer, a change in jobs (from painting to longarm quilting and quitting daycare), prayer, faith (and action), and the support of many friends and family members.

The bible dictionary says this about prayer:

Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.

Recently I had the opportunity to attend Time Out for Women.  One of the speakers talked about the story of Joseph of Egypt in a way that had never occurred to me before, and I think about it often.

At a fairly young age, Joseph had a dream that helped him to understand a little bit about what God had in store for him.  He dreamed that he would one day rule over his brothers. However, it wasn't too long after catching that glimpse of Heavenly Father’s plan for him, that his brothers threw him in a pit.

Now I don’t know about you, but I think if I found myself thrown into a pit by my own siblings, I might start to question that dream.  

Maybe I was wrong all along? or Huh (raise shoulders), maybe I’m just supposed to be in a pit.

Joseph eventually got out of that pit, and was sold to be a slave. 

I think if it were me, I'd question my dream again.  Things weren't getting better...in fact, they were getting worse.  I'd probably resign myself to the fact that it was my destiny to be a slave.

We all know the end of the story.  Joseph worked hard and found favor with the king, and ended up saving his family from famine.  I wonder what would have happened if he had given up on his dream while he was in that pit, and "settled" for less than his true potential?

Sometimes our trials have a tendency to distract us from becoming all that Heavenly Father wants us to be.  Ironically, those very trials are the things that humble us and shape our lives so that we CAN become what he wants us to be.  

I know that Heavenly Father loves each one of us, and he hears and answers our prayers.  I don’t believe that he sent us here to be stuck in a pit!  He has bigger and better plans for us, but He needs us to dig our way out of that pit because it makes us stronger, and helps us to become what He needs us to be. 

Sometimes all we have to do is ask.  Sometimes we have to wait on the Lord and His timing.

This summer, as I was struggling with our current situation (Todd living three hours away and our inability to sell our house) I watched “The Other Side of Heaven” and a quote stuck out to me.  It said, “Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; Other times he calms the Sailor….and sometimes He just lets us swim.”

That was how I felt.  I was swimming.  And I’m not a very good swimmer.  I couldn’t see the shore; in fact, I didn’t even know the direction of the shore.  All I could do was pray to know His will, and try to have faith in His plan for me.  And while it wasn’t easy to wait for the answers, I have been so blessed in what I have learned.  For the first time in my life, I find myself really wanting to pray…and pray often.  My prayers have gone from 2 minute prayers to 20 minute prayers, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

As Elder Hales said in his most recent conference address, “Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now.”  I have come to understand that it is those times that we are “swimming” that teach us the most.

It is my testimony that if we can learn to use our trials to humble ourselves, always striving to make our will in line with His, we will be able to dig our way out of the “pits” of life, and become who He would have us become.  I know that doing so will bring happiness and peace that cannot come in any other way.

I have a dear friend who is struggling with such a hard trial right now, and it's one that won't be resolved in a few months like mine has.  I have cried for her, and prayed for her, and wished so many times that she didn't have to deal with the problems she is facing. 

I saw this video from Hilary Weeks on facebook a few weeks ago, but I saw it again this weekend (at Time Out For Women) where Hilary Weeks was actually singing it on stage while the video played on a huge screen....and I cried.

I cried for the hard days I had this summer.  I cried for my babies that I never got to carry to term.  I cried for everyone out there who has ever suffered from post-partum depression and/or hormone imbalance.  I cried for all those who have ever had to watch a love one die of cancer.  I cried for my friend.  And I cried because  through all of these "Beautiful Heartbreaks" I have felt the hand of the Lord in my life.