Stewing

I've been "stewing" this week.
I looked up the definition of stewing, and this is what it said:

"to be in a state of suppressed agitation, or worry."

Yep. That's me.  That girl up there? Me. So this post is an attempt to "un-suppress" my thoughts, and [hopefully] laugh at myself.

Honestly, things at our house right now are good...no, great.  I feel so blessed.  My problems are definitely "first world problems", but still I stew.

Do I spend enough time with my kids?

How much "help" do I give with homework, and at what point is it more helpful to let them "fail" and learn an important lesson for themselves?

How do I find the balance between having my house clean enough, without being an obsessive nag?

Why did I just find 18 socks under the stairs, and how come none of them have mates?

Is it worth planting zucchini, when I know it will be eaten by squash bugs, and the pesticide costs $30? For $30 I can buy a lot of organic zucchini.

How do I protect my boys from pornography?

Is _______ a need or a want?

How and where do I even begin to organize my photos, and will I ever get them printed in a book for my kids to enjoy?

To join the gym, or not join the gym? I miss it...a lot. I never dreamed I'd say that out loud. It's too hot to walk outside in July, but the gym is expensive, and requires a lengthy membership agreement.

What kind of girls will my boys marry?  Will they be willing to put family first?

What color of paint should I get to finish the basement?  Should I get a 5 gallon bucket of one color, or let the boys help pick the paint for their rooms? Should we put in the new bathroom floor ourselves, or hire someone to do it? Should I take down the wallpaper in Caleb's room, or wallpaper over it?

How do I bridge the gap between my insanely "clean" 6 month diet program that just ended, to living a healthy lifestyle in moderation. I want more like an 80/20 thing, where I eat clean 80% of the time, but I can still take my kids out for ice cream after their orchestra concert, or eat at the ward party, or have someone bring me dinner without getting sick.

What is going to happen in the next episode of Heartland and how on earth will I wait that long to find out?

Will my washing machine make it through the next load?

What should we do to celebrate Todd's upcoming 40th birthday?

And my biggest worry of all:

How am I going to arrange five portraits on my wall?
And what will it be like to have four kids in four different schools--all starting and ending at different times--along with a nursing baby?  What if I miscarry...again. Why am I not feeling sick?  Is it because I am healthier this time around, or because something is wrong? Should I post about it on my blog? Or stew about it in silence? Who will share rooms? How will I hold it together when one baby is starting kindergarten, and another is leaving on a mission? Am I too old to do this again? Am I destined to spend 25 years of my life tying knots, building catapults, and going to pack meetings?

Oh, how I want this baby that I didn't even know about two weeks ago...