A few weeks ago I gave a talk at a Relief Society meeting on dealing with discouragement. I have thought more than once that I need to put it on my blog, so here it is:
In a recent talk given by Sister Julie B. Beck, she stated:
“In the past year I have met thousands of Latter-day Saint women in many countries. The list of challenges these sisters face is lengthy and sobering. There are family troubles, economic tests, calamities, accidents, and illnesses. There is much distraction and not enough peace and joy. Despite popular media messages to the contrary, no one is rich enough, beautiful enough, or clever enough to avoid a mortal experience.”
Sometimes our trials come because of our own poor choices. Sometimes it's because of the choices of those around us. Other times, it's nobody's "fault", it's just a part of our mortal experience. So, how do we deal with the discouragement that comes from having a "mortal experience"?
Several years ago, after the birth of my second child, I experienced post-partum depression. At the time, Todd was in graduate school and working two jobs. In addition to a new baby, I had an 18 mos. old, I did daycare in my home, and I worked as an artist (from home) for 20 hours a week.
At first I didn't realize I was depressed. I had never had two kids before, and I figured that maybe it was supposed to be that hard. I was extremely sleep deprived, and took out my frustrations on those closest to me. After about a year of trying to run faster than I had strength, I found myself crying daily, and I began to have panic attacks. I knew something needed to change, but I didn’t know what to do to help myself.
One night, while reading my scriptures, I came across a scripture in Ether that answered my question.
24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.
25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare
you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?
These scriptures helped me to realize that I needed to work out my own "salvation" before the Lord. The solution came in many different ways: medical help, prayer, a change in jobs (from painting to longarm quilting and quitting daycare), prayer, faith (and action), and the support of many friends and family members.
The bible dictionary says this about prayer:
Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.
Recently I had the opportunity to attend Time Out for Women. One of the speakers talked about the story of Joseph of Egypt in a way that had never occurred to me before, and I think about it often.
At a fairly young age, Joseph had a dream that helped him to understand a little bit about what God had in store for him. He dreamed that he would one day rule over his brothers. However, it wasn't too long after catching that glimpse of Heavenly Father’s plan for him, that his brothers threw him in a pit.
Now I don’t know about you, but I think if I found myself thrown into a pit by my own siblings, I might start to question that dream.
Maybe I was wrong all along? or Huh (raise shoulders), maybe I’m just supposed to be in a pit.
Joseph eventually got out of that pit, and was sold to be a slave.
I think if it were me, I'd question my dream again. Things weren't getting better...in fact, they were getting worse. I'd probably resign myself to the fact that it was my destiny to be a slave.
We all know the end of the story. Joseph worked hard and found favor with the king, and ended up saving his family from famine. I wonder what would have happened if he had given up on his dream while he was in that pit, and "settled" for less than his true potential?
Sometimes our trials have a tendency to distract us from becoming all that Heavenly Father wants us to be. Ironically, those very trials are the things that humble us and shape our lives so that we CAN become what he wants us to be.
I know that Heavenly Father loves each one of us, and he hears and answers our prayers. I don’t believe that he sent us here to be stuck in a pit! He has bigger and better plans for us, but He needs us to dig our way out of that pit because it makes us stronger, and helps us to become what He needs us to be.
Sometimes all we have to do is ask. Sometimes we have to wait on the Lord and His timing.
This summer, as I was struggling with our current situation (Todd living three hours away and our inability to sell our house) I watched “The Other Side of Heaven” and a quote stuck out to me. It said, “Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; Other times he calms the Sailor….and sometimes He just lets us swim.”
That was how I felt. I was swimming. And I’m not a very good swimmer. I couldn’t see the shore; in fact, I didn’t even know the direction of the shore. All I could do was pray to know His will, and try to have faith in His plan for me. And while it wasn’t easy to wait for the answers, I have been so blessed in what I have learned. For the first time in my life, I find myself really wanting to pray…and pray often. My prayers have gone from 2 minute prayers to 20 minute prayers, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything.
As Elder Hales said in his most recent conference address, “Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now.” I have come to understand that it is those times that we are “swimming” that teach us the most.
It is my testimony that if we can learn to use our trials to humble ourselves, always striving to make our will in line with His, we will be able to dig our way out of the “pits” of life, and become who He would have us become. I know that doing so will bring happiness and peace that cannot come in any other way.
I have a dear friend who is struggling with such a hard trial right now, and it's one that won't be resolved in a few months like mine has. I have cried for her, and prayed for her, and wished so many times that she didn't have to deal with the problems she is facing.
I saw this video from Hilary Weeks on facebook a few weeks ago, but I saw it again this weekend (at Time Out For Women) where Hilary Weeks was actually singing it on stage while the video played on a huge screen....and I cried.
I cried for the hard days I had this summer. I cried for my babies that I never got to carry to term. I cried for everyone out there who has ever suffered from post-partum depression and/or hormone imbalance. I cried for all those who have ever had to watch a love one die of cancer. I cried for my friend. And I cried because through all of these "Beautiful Heartbreaks" I have felt the hand of the Lord in my life.
