I'm learning...

My friend, Rachel, posted this on facebook.  Thank you, Rachel, for leading me to this talk right when I needed it.

It turns out that my pregnancy is not meant to be.

You'd think by now I'd be used to this, but it still hurts.

I wanted this baby. When I found out I was pregnant I instantly changed all the big plans I had for this year. I worried, but I always worry.  I also tried to have faith, and hope.

I am so grateful for the friends and family who texted back and forth with me when I shared my happy news and needed to talk. That's how I work through things.  Some might wonder why, after several miscarraiges, I don't wait longer to share my news.  For me, it is almost an act of faith.  It helps me to overcome the worry if I talk about it, think positively, and make plans.  In 2008, while I was in the midst of another miscarriage, Pres. Uchtdorf gave a talk on the infinite power of hope.  I gained a testimony of hope, and believe it is just as important as faith.

Even when things don't go the way I planned, I still have hope.  Hope in my Savior, who suffered all things. Hope that one day I will understand the heartache and trials.

In 1997, Elder Neal A. Maxwell visited BYU-I (I was there!).  Elder Bednar asked Elder Maxwell what he had learned through his struggle with cancer that year.  His answer was, "I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving".

In his October 1997 conference address, Elder Maxwell taught: "As we confront our own...trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we 'might not shrink'--meaning to retreat or recoil. Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus".

Elder Bednar shared a quote from Orson F. Whitney: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire".

Elder Bednar then shared the story of a young couple he knew, who came to him seeking a blessing when after only three weeks of marriage, the husband was diagnosed with cancer.  Elder Bednar asked him, "Do you have the faith to not be healed?" Or in other words, do you have the faith to accept His will if it is contrary to your own.

Today I find myself in a similar place.  Needing to "overcome, through the Atonement of Christ, the 'natural man' tendency to demand impatiently and insist incessantly" on the blessing I want.

"Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives--even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted."

Elder Bednar continues with the story of this couple, who overcame cancer only to have it return a few years later.  The man couldn't understand why this was happening to him again, and found his answer in the New Testament.

It so closely mirrors my feelings that I'm going to re-write it, changing a few things to pertain to my own situation:

I read the account of Christ and His Apostles on the sea when a tempest arose. Fearing the boat would capsize, the disciples went to the Savior and asked, 'Master, carest thou not that we perish?'

This is exactly how I feel!  "Carest thou not that I've already had four miscarriages and learned from them? Carest thou not that I really want this baby?"  But as I read on in the story, I found my answer. The Lord looked at them an said, "O ye of little faith," and He stretched forth His hand and calmed the waters.

And so I, like this man, ask myself, "Do I really believe this?" Do I really believe that He calmed the waters that day? Or is it just a nice story?  The answer is: I do believe, and because I know He calmed the waters, I know He could save my baby.

Until now, I have had a hard time reconciling the need for my faith in Christ with the inevitability of His will. It seems they sometimes contradict one another. Why should I have faith if His will ultimately will prevail?

I have learned that in this situation, having faith [or hope] does not mean that He would save my baby, but that He could save my baby. I had to believe that He could, and then whether it happened was up to Him.

I believe that allowing these two ideas to co-exist--focused faith in Jesus Christ and complete submission to His will--will bring comfort and peace in trials.

With my first miscarraige I learned that the Atonement was for all sorrow, not just for sin.  With my third I learned about the power of hope.  And now, with number five, I pray that I will not shrink.  That I will drink the bitter cup, without becoming bitter. That I will count my blessings and be grateful that I have had four successful pregnancies, and focus my attention on them...with an eye single to the glory of God.

It hurts. A lot. But I trust in Him.

One year ago...

It was a year ago today that we found out Todd was going to lose his job.  

I posted a picture that day, that I took from our front step, that described how I felt.

This picture, taken from our new front step, is a pretty good description of how I feel now.

I closed my post (a year ago) with the words, 


"It will be interesting, to say the least, to see where the rest of this year takes us".  


And now, here we are.  We have felt the hand of the Lord throughout this year and I have received confirmation from the spirit that we are where we need to be.  We found the house that was prepared for us. The kids' transition couldn't have gone more smoothly.  We're still getting to know the ward members, but Todd's recent call as Elder's Quorum President should speed up that process :o). 


Life is good.


I have saved a little story for several months that I wanted to post today.


Soon after learning about the fate of Todd's job, we realized we were going to have to try to sell our house.  I knew the chances of selling it were slim, and I also knew that any equity we might have gained by finishing our basement was gone.  We considered refinancing to make our payment lower, but it never felt right.  As I was trying to muddle through our options, my cousin Erin came over one day and gave me a hug.  She has a degree in business (and had classes in marketing) and she left my house saying that she was going to go home to pray, and think about what she could do to help me.  


I have to back up here, and let you know that after we got our new van in 2008, we gave Erin and her husband our old van.  When they finished school and were looking for jobs, I heard about the one in our school district and let them know...and they got it.  When they were looking for a house, I directed them to the one they ended up buying.  She was constantly telling me that they "owed me" (which is crazy because I really didn't do anything...but anyway you get the idea). 


A couple days after Erin had been thinking and praying, she called me to tell me that the only thing she had come up with, was the name Bonnie Kaufman, who was a real estate agent in our area.  I had considered listing our house, but I knew we didn't have any equity so we really couldn't afford to use a realtor.  I put the idea in the back of my mind, and a few weeks later when I was desperate and didn't know what else to do, I called Bonnie Kaufman. 


She didn't paint a rosy picture.  She didn't want to discourage me, but didn't want to lead me on, either.  She told me that in all reality she didn't see our house selling for at least two years.  Still, she agreed to come look at it, and do what she could to help us, so we made an appointment.  At the end of our conversation, I was explaining the location of our house and told her it was the 2nd house North of the power company.  When I said that, she said "You live on the same block as the power company?  I wonder if they would want to buy it?  If I were you, I'd call them and see if they have any interest."


I knew it was a long shot, but I was desperate so I hung up with her, and called the CEO of the power company.  I explained our situation to him, and asked if there was any chance that they might be interested in buying my house.  He said, "Well, I don't know...maybe.  I'll have to bring it up at the next board meeting at the end of the month".  


Two months later, after working out similar "deals" with my neighbors, they called back and offered to buy our house.


The Lord works in mysterious ways.  Even though I didn't think using an agent was our answer, it was the agent who had the answer I was looking for.  And it was my dear cousin, Erin, who led me the solution to our problem.


Erin, you helped me a lot more than I helped you.  I'm so glad for the time we had together in "the middle of nowhere" and so thankful that you were "in tune" and willing to help when I needed it.  


What goes around comes around.

Beautiful Heartbreaks

A few weeks ago I gave a talk at a Relief Society meeting on dealing with discouragement.  I have thought more than once that I need to put it on my blog, so here it is:

In a recent talk given by Sister Julie B. Beck, she stated:

“In the past year I have met thousands of Latter-day Saint women in many countries. The list of challenges these sisters face is lengthy and sobering. There are family troubles, economic tests, calamities, accidents, and illnesses. There is much distraction and not enough peace and joy. Despite popular media messages to the contrary, no one is rich enough, beautiful enough, or clever enough to avoid a mortal experience.”

Sometimes our trials come because of our own poor choices.  Sometimes it's because of the choices of those around us.  Other times, it's nobody's "fault", it's just a part of our mortal experience. So, how do we deal with the discouragement that comes from having a "mortal experience"?

Several years ago, after the birth of my second child, I experienced post-partum depression.  At the time, Todd was in graduate school and working two jobs. In addition to a new baby, I had an 18 mos. old, I did daycare in my home, and I worked as an artist (from home) for 20 hours a week.  

At first I didn't realize I was depressed.  I had never had two kids before, and I figured that maybe it was supposed to be that hard.  I was extremely sleep deprived, and took out my frustrations on those closest to me. After about a year of trying to run faster than I had strength, I found myself crying daily, and I began to have panic attacks.  I knew something needed to change, but I didn’t know what to do to help myself.

One night, while reading my scriptures, I came across a scripture in Ether that answered my question.  

24 For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.

25 And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare
you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? 

These scriptures helped me to realize that I needed to work out my own "salvation" before the Lord.  The solution came in many different ways: medical help, prayer, a change in jobs (from painting to longarm quilting and quitting daycare), prayer, faith (and action), and the support of many friends and family members.

The bible dictionary says this about prayer:

Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.

Recently I had the opportunity to attend Time Out for Women.  One of the speakers talked about the story of Joseph of Egypt in a way that had never occurred to me before, and I think about it often.

At a fairly young age, Joseph had a dream that helped him to understand a little bit about what God had in store for him.  He dreamed that he would one day rule over his brothers. However, it wasn't too long after catching that glimpse of Heavenly Father’s plan for him, that his brothers threw him in a pit.

Now I don’t know about you, but I think if I found myself thrown into a pit by my own siblings, I might start to question that dream.  

Maybe I was wrong all along? or Huh (raise shoulders), maybe I’m just supposed to be in a pit.

Joseph eventually got out of that pit, and was sold to be a slave. 

I think if it were me, I'd question my dream again.  Things weren't getting better...in fact, they were getting worse.  I'd probably resign myself to the fact that it was my destiny to be a slave.

We all know the end of the story.  Joseph worked hard and found favor with the king, and ended up saving his family from famine.  I wonder what would have happened if he had given up on his dream while he was in that pit, and "settled" for less than his true potential?

Sometimes our trials have a tendency to distract us from becoming all that Heavenly Father wants us to be.  Ironically, those very trials are the things that humble us and shape our lives so that we CAN become what he wants us to be.  

I know that Heavenly Father loves each one of us, and he hears and answers our prayers.  I don’t believe that he sent us here to be stuck in a pit!  He has bigger and better plans for us, but He needs us to dig our way out of that pit because it makes us stronger, and helps us to become what He needs us to be. 

Sometimes all we have to do is ask.  Sometimes we have to wait on the Lord and His timing.

This summer, as I was struggling with our current situation (Todd living three hours away and our inability to sell our house) I watched “The Other Side of Heaven” and a quote stuck out to me.  It said, “Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; Other times he calms the Sailor….and sometimes He just lets us swim.”

That was how I felt.  I was swimming.  And I’m not a very good swimmer.  I couldn’t see the shore; in fact, I didn’t even know the direction of the shore.  All I could do was pray to know His will, and try to have faith in His plan for me.  And while it wasn’t easy to wait for the answers, I have been so blessed in what I have learned.  For the first time in my life, I find myself really wanting to pray…and pray often.  My prayers have gone from 2 minute prayers to 20 minute prayers, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

As Elder Hales said in his most recent conference address, “Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now.”  I have come to understand that it is those times that we are “swimming” that teach us the most.

It is my testimony that if we can learn to use our trials to humble ourselves, always striving to make our will in line with His, we will be able to dig our way out of the “pits” of life, and become who He would have us become.  I know that doing so will bring happiness and peace that cannot come in any other way.

I have a dear friend who is struggling with such a hard trial right now, and it's one that won't be resolved in a few months like mine has.  I have cried for her, and prayed for her, and wished so many times that she didn't have to deal with the problems she is facing. 

I saw this video from Hilary Weeks on facebook a few weeks ago, but I saw it again this weekend (at Time Out For Women) where Hilary Weeks was actually singing it on stage while the video played on a huge screen....and I cried.

I cried for the hard days I had this summer.  I cried for my babies that I never got to carry to term.  I cried for everyone out there who has ever suffered from post-partum depression and/or hormone imbalance.  I cried for all those who have ever had to watch a love one die of cancer.  I cried for my friend.  And I cried because  through all of these "Beautiful Heartbreaks" I have felt the hand of the Lord in my life.

Worth Waiting For

General Conference Favorites

I vowed in April to take notes during the next General Conference and I'm SO glad I did!  If I hadn't, I don't think I'd even be able to answer these questions.  My brain functioning seems to be at an all-time low lately!

This is the packet I used for my kids.
I also added a few pages from other sites. 

I printed out these pages for my  own note taking.

Favorite talk(s):  Pres. Packer's talk about listening to the spirit, Elder Hales's talk about tribulations, and Pres. Monson's talk about the morals of society, prayer, and personal revelation.

Talk that spoke to me the most: Ian S. Ardern of the Seventy talked about the value of time.  I needed this message and plan to be better at prioritzing, rather than procrastinating. "Time cannot be bought...it's value is immeasurable".


Favorite Hymn: The choir opened the Saturday morning session by singing "With Songs of Praise".  It is a lesser known hymn, but one of my favorites ever since I first heard it in ward choir practice several years ago.  I also loved "Praise to the Man".  Thanks to an amazing primary chorister, my kids know this song well (especially Dillon), and I had to hold back tears when they sang along at the top of their lungs.  Thanks, Cowboy Mom!

Best tie: I couldn't believe how many black and gray/silver ties there were!  I honestly started to wonder if they planned it!  I liked the choir's orange ties on Saturday morning because they were so fall-ish.

Theme I noticed:  The things that stuck out to me were prayer and scriptures, service, and being in the world but not of the world.


Favorite quotes:  "Youth are being raised in enemy territory" -Boyd K. Packer
"All the money in the world can't buy a loaf of bread in heaven" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps.  It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."  -Neal L. Anderson, quoting the blog of someone not of our faith
"The Lord expects our thinking. He expects our action.  He expects our labors.  He expects our testimonies.  He expects our devotion."  -Jose L. Alonso
"It's better to look up" -Carl B. Cook quoting Pres. Monson
"Too often we pray to have patience, but we want it right now." -Robert D. Hales
"To be in the world, but not of the world, it is necessary to pray." -Pres. Thomas S. Monson
"Prayer only works when we use it as directed."  -J. Devn Cornish
"The effect of the Book of Mormon...on your character is certain." -Pres. Henry B. Eyring

Something that made me smile:  Pres. Monson's story about losing his $5 bill as a child, and Pres. Eyring referencing what happened to Abinadi (Brayden got a kick out of that one!).

Evidence that my children paid attention: 


My kids kept asking me questions and talking until I got very frustrated because I wanted so badly to hear.  I started to get upset with them, when the spirit gave me a swift kick in the bum and let me know that it was more important for them to be in the room and asking questions, than it was for me to hear.  I can always go back and watch the talks online later.  I have thought about it several times since.

Great idea(s):  Pres. Bednar's suggestion to get the youth involved in Family History Work!  They can put their "texting and tweeting" skills to good use (we adults can do the same!).  I loved his promise of protection from the adversary if we involve ourselves in Family History.

Posting Conference packets online so that we can all benefit from those who prepare in advance!  The senior primary packet (click here to be taken to the site) is one of the best I've seen.  I had my older boys take notes during the apostle's talks, and they were allowed to play Bingo and other activities during the other talks.  It was the perfect way to break it up for them. 

Two temples in Provo!!!

Post-conference goals: 


1. Significantly improve my scripture study 
2. Identify time wasting distractions and balance family, work, etc.  
3. Wait on Him, and press forward in faith.


What were some of your favorites?

I've been bitten...

by the family history bug!

Ever since I moved here to "the middle of nowhere" I've had this silly wish that I could find an ancestor who lived here.  Since my family came across the plains and settled Cache Valley and parts of Idaho (all North of here), and Todd's parents were converts to the church, I really didn't think there was much hope.

Then, when I was a cub scout leader, we had an activity where a local man shared the history of our county.  I learned that Hanksville (which is a town in our county) was once called "Graves Valley" named after a John Graves who came with the Powell Expedition.

I got excited at that thought, and crashed the Family History Sunday School class for a couple weeks, trying to find some connection.  There was a John Graves on Todd's side, but he would've been about 15 at the time of the Powell Expedition and I couldn't make any connection...especially with my limited knowledge of Family Search.

I was pregnant with Justin at the time, and not feeling well, so after a couple weeks of wondering...I gave up.  Through my search, however, I discovered that I couldn't even fill out a five generation sheet for Todd's Dad. I knew that there was work on his side that needed to be done, but felt that it wasn't my time--with morning sickness and all.

A couple months ago, our ward announced that there were spaces in the Family History Sunday School class if anyone was interested in signing up.  I remembered the work that needed to be done on Todd's side, and decided to attend the class.  Because of sickness and being out of town, I missed all but three of the classes.  Today, during our last class, they announced that anyone could come that evening and there would be someone to help.  I decided that since I'd missed most of the classes, I'd better go get some one-on-one help.

With my friends Julee and Karen by my side, I "dove right in" to New Family Search. It didn't take very long before I had a couple questions about Todd's grandma, that I knew my mother-in-law would be able to answer.  So, tonight I called her to ask them and sure enough, she had the answers I needed.  During the conversation, she told me something about HER grandma that Todd's sister had recently discovered in her own Family History work. I didn't think to much of it, and got ready for bed.

An hour later, I found myself in bed, unable to sleep so I got up and came to the computer.  It was still Sunday, so I got on New Family Search and decided to play around on my mother-in-law's line to see if I found the same thing as Todd's sister.  I did.  Then I started clicking randomly to see how far back the line would go.  I went back five or six generations and found an icon indicating that some work needed to be done.  I clicked on it, and had to do a double take when I realized that this ancestor, who is on Todd's mom's side, rather than his dad's, is buried in Hanksville.  I also found ancestors who were born in Fremont and Therber, and another buried in Giles (also in our county).  I still can't quite believe it, and since I can't sleep, and I don't dare call my mother-in-law in the middle of the night, I decided to type. :o)

That's not the end of the story, though.

Back when I was called to be a cub scout leader, Brother Petty (from the bishopric) told me that there was no doubt that I was supposed to be called to that position, and he asked if I would tell him the reason when I figured it out.  Here is a link to the post where I wrote about my setting apart for that calling.

I'm not going to lie...it was not my favorite calling.  And I ended up getting released when I had morning sickness and Brother Petty called me in to say "We're worried about you and feel like we need to give you a break".  I left his office crying because I felt like I had totally failed in my calling.  And I still had no idea why I was supposed to have that calling in the first place. There were so many people who would've done a better job.

Tonight, however, it all came together.  If I hadn't gone to that cub scout activity (which, by the way, was one of the last ones we had before I was released), I never would have learned about Hanksville being called Graves Valley, and I wouldn't have searched Todd's dad's line and discovered the work that needed to be done.  It was the guilt from that, that led me to take the class, and it was missing the class so many times that led me to go to the Family History Center for one-on-one help tonight.  Then, it took my mother-in-law's comment and my inability to sleep to FINALLY discover that we have ancestors in our little mountain valley.

Tender mercies, I tell ya...

Now I can sell my house (I hope) and move on...as soon as I perform the sealing that I found that needs to be done (and keep going on Todd's dad's line).

Oh, and I fully intend to drive out to the Hanksville cemetery and search for a headstone.

And I need to tell Brother Petty and Sister Oyler (the primary president at the time) why I was supposed to have that calling.

**Update:  Now that I don't have "middle of the night brain" and I'm looking closer at the dates, I'm pretty sure there is a problem with the information on New Family Search, and we DON'T actually have ancestors in our county.  However, there is definitely a problem that needs to be fixed and I intend to figure it out.  I still believe that this is why I had that calling...

Blessed

Last Sunday, the kids and I followed Todd to the RV resort where our trailer is parked to spend a few days with him.  We got there at about 9:30 at night (just after dark) and noticed right away that our propane tank cover was missing.  Todd got out and walked around the trailer and saw our chocks and locks on the ground, and our stabilizing jacks were bent and the wood underneath had been moved.

A neighbor from the resort ran over to tell us about the "hundred mile an hour winds" that had ripped through the park a few hours earlier, and pointed out that the trailer next to ours had a tree on top of it!  Another man told Todd that he "thought [our] trailer was gone" because it was rocking back and forth so hard. 

The stabilizing jacks on the back of our trailer were bent up underneath, and the wood was a few feet away.  

Todd was able to bend the jacks back into place, and we gathered up the wood and chocks that had been scattered, and within about 30 minutes all was well.  

Before we said our family prayers that night, Todd gathered the boys together and told them that when he was leaving the trailer the previous week, he felt prompted to pray for our trailer to be protected while he was away.  He stood in the doorway and said a quick prayer before he left, and our "home" was protected in the storm.

I am grateful for a husband who was "in tune" and followed that prompting.

(The man who had the tree fall on his trailer showed up at about 11:30 that night and was able to get it moved.  Luckily, the damage was minimal). 

The next morning, I took a few pictures around the park.  I think we missed quite a storm (and I think I'm glad we missed it)  Down the road there's a storage unit with a metal roof that is all twisted from the wind.  There are also pieces of the metal roof all over the mountain behind it.

Faith

Picture found here

Stepping-Stones

By DeLynn Decker

There I was,

Hopscotching on the rocks

In the turbulent stream

Until suddenly

There weren’t any more,

And I stood forlorn,

Feeling stranded.

In stillness He assured,

Be patient.

When it is time

For the next step,

There will be a stone.

Hasn’t it always

Been so?

Bleak

Yesterday was one of those days that you hope and pray will never happen to your family.

The company that Todd works for has a new CEO, who has decided to shut down the three therapeutic programs in our small community.

In a town of 500 people in the middle of nowhere, 200 will be losing their jobs.

The possibility of being able to sell our house is highly unlikely.

The outlook for many is bleak.

But, strangely enough, I feel okay about it. I don't know why this happened, and I don't know exactly how we'll get through it, but I know the Lord is watching out for us.  I can feel it so strongly it is almost tangible.  I've literally only cried a few tears, as I was telling our parents, but not even enough to mess up my mascara.

A couple years ago, both our Bishop and Stake President had an overwhelming feeling that we needed to "be prepared" as a community.  I remember Bishop saying he didn't know why, but he just couldn't shake the feeling.

And here we are.

I have absolutely no idea where to even begin or which path to follow, but I am calm and I feel peace.  There were a couple hours yesterday when I started to get angry, and I'm sure in the days to come we will experience a whole spectrum of emotions, but the anger passed quickly and I know deep down that it will all be okay.

Todd often says "When the Lord closes a door, he always opens a window...but that doesn't mean it won't be hell in the hallway".

It takes awhile to close a program like the one where he works, and luckily he can keep his job until August 2nd.  Some lost their job yesterday, and others will be laid off in May, June, and July.  We feel grateful to at least have some time for the dust to settle before we have to make any major decisions.

The spirit in our community is strong.  I have no doubt that people will rally together and weather the storm as a whole.  What we DO have is a bunch of people who know how to run residential and wilderness treatment facilities.  The possibility of keeping these programs going, on a private level, is actually a very real possibility...but it will take everyone working together.  No one person can do it alone.

It will be interesting, to say the least, to see where the rest of this year takes us.

So many questions

This is a picture of my Brayden, with two of his distant cousins.

Spencer's grandma and my dad are 1st cousins. Keaton's mom and my dad are 1st cousins.

On Friday morning, Keaton's mom drove her school bus route as usual, but didn't feel well when she got home.  By 11:00 that night she was having trouble breathing and went to the emergency room.  They ended up doing a tracheotomy, but at 4:00 in the morning she passed away.

I just keep thinking over and over how unfair it is that Keaton, who is the same age as my Brayden (10), has to grow up without his mom.  You just don't expect your mom to go to work one day and be gone the next. My heart breaks for their family, and for Great Aunt Julia and Uncle Vaughan who lost their daughter way too young.

 Sandra was 47, and left behind her husband, two married children, a son on a mission, and a 15 and 10 year old.

Times like this cause me to reflect on the Plan of Salvation, and my own purpose in life. Am I using my time wisely? Are my priorities in order? Do I understand what it is that Heavenly Father wants me to do?

I wonder if my Grandpa (her uncle) was there to meet her on the other side.  I wonder what she is doing, that could be more important than raising her family here on earth.

I am grateful for my knowledge of the Plan. I know that Heavenly Father knows what is best and if we trust in Him, we can find peace in our trials. Through my miscarriages I learned that the atonement is not only for sin, but also for sorrow.

I pray that Aunt Julia's family will feel His love and peace through this difficult time.